True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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