dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
