I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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