If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
