do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
