he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
