help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
