I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
time to smoke my breakfast
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
