Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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