My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pooping to opera.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
