he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
