I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
