Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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