marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
