saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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