so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
