i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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