aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
