Christians are straight up FREAKS
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
