Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
