Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
