so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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