Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
