Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
