Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
