I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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