Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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