So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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