Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
