I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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