As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
