After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
