I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
