I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think people are normalizing furries
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
