She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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