I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
