he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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