if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
