Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
