after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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