Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
