She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
