so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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