I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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