Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
