grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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