so that wasnt chicken after all
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
