Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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