why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
