I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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