I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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