Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
