Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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